CARD OF THE NIGHT
I can release my need to control
You need to understand the distinction between power and control. you have the power of internal control, but very little external control over people or situations. The majority of your external control is through the power of influence. You can lead by example.
Every soul has its own unique path, and it is not your job to dictate it. Giving advice or direction in a compassionate manner is the way to go. Your soul, too, has a path, and you possess the power to control it—but you must surrender the illusion that you have control over another.
Remember that this is a process, and from time to time your ego will rise up and demand that things be the way they “should be.” Envision a hot-air balloon being loaded up with all of the things you think you need to control, and let them ride away in the balloon. You’ll be surprised to find that when you release the energy of control and accept the energy of surrender, doors will open that you never expected, because you have now given the Universe space in which to materialize what is needed for your highest soul growth.
“Have you talked to mom recently?”
It was a message from my sister Dabin.
“Yeah, a few hours ago.”
“When? How many hours ago?”
“Last night my time, so twelve hours ago. Why?”
“She went out this morning; since then I haven’t heard from her.”
She was freaking out that mom is not answering her phone and it’s been at least 12 hours. I started calling mom as well through my messaging app. After a few minutes mom finally got back to us with the lame excuse that she left her phone in her friend’s car.
My sister and I started talking on the phone about how mom is acting like a teenage girl going through puberty and that she is worrying the heck out of us. And then we laughed about how I just described my mom, an adult with her own free will.
FREEDOM COMES FROM COMPLETE SURRENDER
Everything works out beautifully in the end. Surrender, release the urge to control. The universe will conspire with you and the right people and things will show up.
Then I found myself talking to her ear off about why she needs to release her need to control mom because it’s not serving her well.
How much talking is considered nagging? Aren’t I also trying to control her in the name of giving advice? Isn’t me trying to give her advice also trying to control her? Advice should be given only when it’s sought by the receiver. I want to be a big sister who leads by example and integrity.
Are you having a good day? Do you have your answer?
My second question for you is Why? If you’re having a good day, why you’re having a good day. Or why you’re having a bad day.
My last question is tomorrow, would you rather have a good day? or would you rather have a bad day?
What about the day after tomorrow? How about Monday? Would you like to have a good day or Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday?
So that last question is probably the easiest question. We all want to have a good day every day. This is really speaking to the type of happiness that we all are wish for in our heart of hearts. We have a good day when we are happy. And we want to be happy every day. But whether or not we have a good days or bad days really depends upon how we answer the second question, why? Why am I having a good day? Why am I having a bad day?
“Much of the time our mind is like a balloon in the wind blown here and there by external circumstances. When things are going our way, we feel happy. But then if something goes wrong, for example, you are forced to work with some colleague you dislike, then our happy feeling disappears. “_Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
As long as our reasons for why we had a good day are a list of external conditions then we are not going to have this stable happiness that we all want. Because if that’s what our happiness depends upon because we cannot control people and circumstances every single day then our happiness will be in the hands of others, won’t it? It will be at the whim of our circumstances.
So if you really wish to have a good day every day, we’ve god two things we need to do:
We need to stop outsourcing our happiness and outsourcing our unhappiness onto people and circumstances. In other words, we need to stop attributing our happiness to what’s going on externally, and we need to stop blaming others, especially blaming others, for our unhappiness. Otherwise our happiness will be very unstable and illusive.
Our second job is to actively cultivate a source of peace and a source of happiness coming from inside our own mind. So here’s something I want you to commit to memory,
“Happiness and unhappiness are states of mind and therefore there real causes cannot be found outside the mind.” So if we have a peaceful state of mind we will be happy regardless of people and circumstances. If our mind is unpeaceful and agitated then even if we have really good circumstances, we will find it impossible to be happy.”
In other words, it’s not what is happening that is making us happy or unhappy. It is how we are responding to those things that determines whether we are happy or unhappy. It is what our state of mind is like that determines our happiness or our unhappiness.