Why I started relying on death

Meditation on Death Prologue

There was a time when I believed that death was the only salvation. Every waking moment was painful, and I eagerly awaited the moment when I could fall asleep. I prayed that the next morning would never come.

Those nights were agonizing, but they changed me. I became someone who was not afraid of death. It might be a hollow boast of someone who is not in immediate danger of dying, but one thing was true; death no longer scared me like it used to. Being miserable enough to welcome death made me mighty, and the world became easier to bear.

It is said that the ancient Egyptians always kept a coffin in their homes and talked about death. They did not shy away from the topic. They used death to cultivate gratitude for life.

I decided to use death too.

It has been proven by many religions, spiritual traditions, and scientific studies that meditation can lead to a transcendent state of consciousness. I began to meditate on death. I said farewell to everything, including my sense of self, as vividly as possible. Some days I became really afraid, but most days, I became happy.

Embracing death inevitably focuses on the essence of life. Paradoxically, it makes us feel connected to all life. We realize that we share the destiny of finite existence with everything that exists. Watching the setting stars, withering flowers, and expiring autumn, we intuit the universe that cycles within us.

As I looked death right in the eye, life began to shine. The whole world was filled with love, and I was no longer obsessed with myself. I became grateful for life itself, beyond the problems lurking in reality. I realized the crisp, pearly mornings would soon become ashen, withered nights.

In Joseph Campbell’s heroic narrative, the “belly of the whale” stage refers to the phase in which the protagonist dies symbolically and is reborn as a hero. The belly of the whale is a tomb where the old self dies and is reborn in the womb. Death is as much a part of everyday life as life itself. We are always saying goodbye to something. We let go of a person, a night, or a season and greet another morning. We cannot just take life and leave death behind.

When we look back at death, diligently following us like a shadow, we become free from life. Only death is true salvation.

There is no promise that the next morning will come, but the night that will free us from all the pain is waiting for us. That night is slowly approaching us with measured steps. Until then, it won’t be too long or too far away. If we think about it, we can endure this moment a little more firmly. When this arduous day ends and the night comes, we will fall asleep and swim in freedom. Because that night will definitely come.

With a feeling of not envying anything in the world, with a heart full of freedom, I want to walk into the night singing my own song.

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